I am a loner.

05_Loner_IANJAI

And I value few things more than my own time and space.

It’s a way of life. It’s my way of life. I escape – I have to escape – from the never-ending chaos in the outer world. The perpetual noise is exhausting, and I need time alone to decompress and recharge. I experience high highs and low lows, and solitude restores my inner equilibrium.

I feel confused and empty when my balance is out of sync, but solitude fills me with purpose and grace. I need time to reflect, analyse and understand, because few things out there make any sense at all.

It’s a simple need, really, but over time I have grown tired of explaining. I have stopped trying to justify myself. I retreat whenever the need arises, and go back out there when I’m brave enough to risk it. Or, when I have no choice.

It isn’t so much a reflection of the world, but rather a reflection of my true self. It’s a survival strategy, and it keeps me sane, on track and normal. At least, it makes me appear sane, on track and normal. It makes me feel sane, on track and normal. It isn’t so much about walking away, as it is about running towards. The one cannot exist without the other.

Time is the only thing I feel there will never be enough of. And, sometimes I choose to spend it alone. Sometimes I choose to spend it in a way that makes me feel safe. Sometimes I choose to spend it in a way that helps me heal. I want to spend it in a way that helps me grow. I want to spend it in a way that brings clarity. I want to spend it in a way that prepares me for my ultimate purpose.

This isn’t about you, it’s about me.