I am broken. And I doubt I’ll ever be whole again.
There’s a hole, and I have no fucking clue how to fill it.
How do you start to mend, if you cannot remember what you used to look like, what you used to be like, what you used to feel like?
I am half the person I was seven months ago. And now I am merely existing in the shadow of my former self.
I have disintegrated into a million little pieces, and it’s taken me all this time to figure out how to begin to reconcile. There’s no accumulative process, no accumulative healing, and each day I start again. Yesterday has no significance. Yesterday barely exists. Some parts appear to be where they should be, but it doesn’t feel quite right. It never feels quite right. I have made it this far, but I have no fucking clue how to make it any further.
Maybe I’m missing something. Maybe I’m not supposed to be the same. Maybe I’m meant to have changed. I just want to feel normal. Not happy. Not good. Just normal. Whatever normal is supposed to feel like.